Will to Succeed

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What is success? How do we define success? This is not an inherent term and differs from individual to individual depending on what it is they wish to see transpire in their lives. For some of us, success is measured in material things like a high paying job, a nice house, car, etc. For others, success is measured in intangible things like inner peace, love, creativity, etc. And for others still, success can be a combination of these two factors.

Whatever endeavors in which you wish to succeed, the basic formula applies universally, and the most important thing is your will for success. When your will to succeed is stronger than your will to stay stuck or remain in the same circumstances, then you will be unstoppable. It takes a steadfast attitude to refuse to take “no” for an answer. You will most likely have trials and tribulations, but as long as you keep going and expand your mindset to the point where you want success more than you feed into your reasons to stay stagnant, you will eventually succeed in whatever is it you desire.

You need to take an honest look at the thoughts going on in the background. You may think you really wish to succeed in something, but if your excuses and reasons for why you cannot achieve this is stronger than your desire to succeed, then you are making a statement to the Universe and yourself to remain stuck. You are basically making a statement that you do not really want whatever it is you wish to achieve. The only thing that can truly victimize you is your own thoughts. This is true, think of those who have overcome many obstacles to achieve great things, to achieve things beyond their wildest dreams. Their strong will and determination to achieve their intentions was more powerful than any setbacks they encountered.

It is ok to feel down and self loathing at times, after all we are human. But you must get back up again and remain steadfast to your visions. You must truly desire to succeed in these endeavors more than you entertain the reasons for not getting there.

Now, there may come a point where you intuitively feel that you need to move in another direction and take on another goal altogether, and this is part of the process as well. Sometimes, we may think we want a certain outcome to occur, but a deeper part of us has other plans. The first set of endeavors may just have been stepping stones to get you to this point of heightened clarity. If this happens, listen to that deeper clarity, and take the same steadfast approach to making it happen. It takes faith and belief in yourself to get to the point where your will to succeed overcomes the mindset it not being possible. If you have even a little bit of faith and belief that this is possible, you are off to a good start. Keep growing that faith, and you will eventually move mountains.

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Even atheists/agnostics can benefit from spiritual concepts

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What is a spiritual concept? This is such a broad term that it can encompass various angles and belief systems. The term itself does not have to be used if it does not vibe with you, it is not an inherent term. It can be worded in a way which suits each individual’s beliefs or ideas. Let us take self-awareness, for instance. Whether or not you believe in a Higher Power, we can all pretty much agree that increasing self-awareness has multiple benefits such as deeper insights, more empowerment, a greater sense of purpose, and so on. This is something most of us would like to experience more, regardless of beliefs. The more self-aware you are, the higher intuition you develop.

Goodwill is another example of a concept based on spiritual principles. We can all see the benefits of spreading goodwill because it makes us feel good. And feeling good, happy, content, peaceful, and loving is something we all like to feel. When we help others in need or help them through any challenges or struggles, we feel good about ourselves and feel like we made a difference in the life of another. Again, one does not have to believe in a Higher Power to experience the gifts of goodwill.

Love is yet another example that people of all walks of life can benefit from. This is not referring to romantic love, although it can be including, but a self love which extends to others. When you truly love and accept yourself, your life becomes magical. You enjoy things much more without being attached to particular outcomes. If something does not go the way you thought it should have, you are still centered and grounded in the love. You are much more flexible and see your challenges as opportunities for growth. Perhaps something else is around the corner that will work out better for you. Having a more loving, optimistic state of mind helps you to see opportunities more clearly which would be most beneficial for yourself and all involved. Also, when you love yourself, you are kinder and gentler to others because it’s a reflection of how you feel inside.

These are a few of the dimensions that are a vital part of mental wellness. It is a matter of having the heart and mind work together as one force, this is where miracles occur. Although it has been improving over the years, the standard care of mental health dominates the focus of the mind over the heart, when it should be the other way around. For when one is truly centered in the heart, the mind works in ways conducive to heart centered ideas and actions.

What is Shadow Integration?

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Shadow integration has been around for eons and has been used by indigenous cultures from around the world. It was made more popular in the west by Carl Jung. According to Jung, our shadows can be said to consist of energy patterns, known as selves or sub-personalities that were disowned — pushed down into our unconscious in childhood, as part of our coping strategies.

Shadow integration attempts to get a client in touch with aspects of him/herself which are responsible for creating chaos, dysfunction, pain, etc. in the life of the client. There are a myriad of ways to go about doing this, the particular method I use is a visual and feeling method. It is loosely based off the process of Internal Family Systems (IFS). The process itself is very gentle and comforting. I start out by creating a safe and sacred space for you to explore yourself. If you desire, I call in your guides and mine, as well as any other spirit helpers you would like to assist with the process or have a resonance with. Afterward, and again if you desire, I start the session by playing my crystal bowl for a few moments in order to get you in more of a relaxed and receptive state for healing. I then take you on a visual and feeling journey to assist you in getting in touch with different aspects of your mind. During this journey, I use a similar style as the Socratic method in my coaching in the sense that I ask probing questions to help you unlock your mind to your own inner wisdom. My belief is that everyone has their own best answers to their questions, obstacles and direction of their lives, and I merely assist in drawing that out by guiding you through your own unique processes. I may give examples or options in certain situations, but it is ultimately up to each individual client to come to their own answers with the guidance I give and style of coaching I use.

The Various Selves/Subpersonalities:

Typically during these sessions, certain feelings/emotions/aspects of self that have been hidden or repressed become more apparent in an attempt to bring healing and integration to yourself. Together, we attempt to pinpoint what these aspects need in order to be healed and integrated. This process is catered to each individual, but typically we give names to each of these aspects as they come into your awareness such as “the protector”, “the inner critic”, “the warrior”, “the inner child”, etc. The particular names given to these aspects aren’t as important as actually identifying these various aspects and looking more clearly at them. However, giving them names you resonate with is helpful because it gives more life to these aspects of self in order to see them more clearly and give them what they need for healing/integration. You may not be aware of the impact these different “selves” have on you, and by clearly seeing them and identifying them, you bring them into the light of awareness so they may be transformed into parts which serve you rather than work against you.

Let us now discuss a few of the major sub-personalities which many emotions are related to.

The Protector:

The Protector is that aspect of you which keeps you safe. It is perhaps one of the earliest aspects that was developed as it was developed at a young age and modified over time to be what it is today. It attempts to keep you from perceived harm, threats or danger. This is a sort of built in caution system which teaches you to keep yourself safe and is actually healthy when one is in proper balance. It is out of balance if you feel persistently anxious, overly mistrusting of others and the world, overly suspicious, shut down from others, and other such things in an attempt to protect yourself from what you perceive to be some sort of alert. Many of these imbalances happened at a young age from some degree of trauma or pain. This programmed the protector to be what it is today which you have created unconsciously. This work helps you to get past these stuck patterns and consciously create the Protector aspect in a way which serves your highest good.

When in balance, the Protector acts as a built in caution to alert you to possible danger that is more rational and grounded in reality. It simply keeps you safe in physical reality and keeps you safe from things that may pose potential harm to you.

The Inner Critic:

The Inner Critic is that aspect of yourself which judges you in a negative tone. When out of balance, you feel degrees of guilt, shame, or otherwise belittling of yourself.

The Inner Critic is balanced when, for example, you start giving yourself constructive feedback instead of judgment. If there is something you could truly improve upon that you’ve been slacking on, this aspect of yourself can be trained to give you this feedback on what you could do better and how you can go about making it happen. You are reprogramming it in a conscious way which will eventually turn it into more of an automatic pattern the more it is used and integrated. It may be judgmental from time to time, but you’ll realize it’s just an old pattern which you are no longer listening to. So the Inner Critic would then be an ally, and could perhaps be called the Inner Evaluator. You would honestly be evaluating your life including your current strengths and weaknesses in a way that is serving to yourself. Rather than beating yourself up or otherwise putting yourself down, the Inner Evaluator simply nudges you in a positive direction to take action on things you would like to change or improve. You take as honest and as objective of a look as you can in order to see how to go about correcting something that no longer serves you.

The Warrior:

The Warrior is that aspect of ourselves which makes us feel confident and able to achieve what we wish to achieve. It is a source of true power and true confidence within us. It helps us to keep going and keep reaching for whatever it is we desire.

The Warrior is out of balance when you become too aggressive or otherwise too self righteous in your ways. It will attack, either verbally or physically when it feels threatened if too out of balance.

The Inner Child:

The Inner Child is our innocent, childlike aspect. It includes all that we learned and experienced as children.

There are parts of your inner child known as “exiles”. These are parts of the Inner child that have become wounded or otherwise gone through various trauma. They have gone in exile, or have become hidden from your every day awareness in order to avoid/defend against the pain and trauma carried in those memories. The Inner Child also holds what has been called “Golden selves” which can also be repressed. The Golden Selves are those aspects of you which are loving, joyful, artistic, creative, etc. You may have gotten shamed by expressing some of this as a child, so they became hidden in order to get approval.

The Self:

The Self is a transcendent, unchanging part of yourself beyond the ego and shadow. Its viewpoint contains an objectivity, acceptance, reconciliation, and balance of the “opposites” of ego and shadow and our many contradictory feelings and impulses. It is the part of you free of any biases or limiting thoughts about yourself. It is the “perfection” of yourself, the totality of you. No matter what has happened to you, the Self remains unchanged and unaffected. The goals of the Self have to do with your heart and soul’s true desires which are aligned toward the actualization of its life-purpose. This is what brings true joy and gives you a sense of purpose. The ego, without the wise, balancing influence of the Self, tends to select goals that are no more than ego-symbols, such as an fancy home. When you have an intuitive feeling or a clear understanding of a direction to take, most likely it is coming from the Self. When you feel “in the zone” in your creativity or any other actions you are taking, most likely you are in touch with the Self.

The goal is to get all aspects of yourself aligned with the Self as much as possible. When they have different agendas, you tend to feel torn and confused, or otherwise dysfunctional. They can pull you in unnecessary directions and cause unnecessary turmoil and make you feel out of balance. When your parts are aligned with the Self, you are at the height of your humanness. These parts are used to serve your highest good and to build the grandest version of the greatest vision you have about who you are. They are thus then used and focused on creating the life of your true desires. Nothing is impossible to achieve, and nothing can perturb you for very long. You have a clear sense of direction in your life and live a life with passion and joy. Confusion lifts, and you are no longer being pulled in different directions because you know exactly what it is you desire. You are happy to just simply be, and everything else is a gift to express your beingness.

Five Questions Pivotal to Personal Development

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5 Questions Pivotal to Personal Development

Everyone feels stuck to varying degrees in varying parts of their lives. If you feel stuck, maybe you’re not looking in the right place for the answers. Asking yourself questions is a highly practical way to find the answers you need. The right questions can be stimulating to your thought process. Ask yourself these questions and you’ll get answers that you can use.

1. How do I sabotage myself? We all sabotage ourselves to varying degrees. We talk ourselves out of things that would lead to success and happiness. We procrastinate. We often compare ourselves harshly to others.

  • Make a list of the ways you’ve sabotaged yourself in the past. Be on the
    lookout for these same patterns in the future. Recognizing self-sabotaging patterns is huge in correcting them.

2. How can I use more of the useful knowledge and skills I already have? In
today’s world, we know more than we ever have. The average person considerably more than previous generations with all the information at our fingertips. Why don’t you use all the great things you already know?

  • Consider all the things you know about diet and exercise. Do you apply
    that knowledge?
  • How much do you know about saving and investing for the future? What
    can you do to brighten your financial outlook?
  • How much do you know about relationships? Are you taking full
    advantage of that information? Why or why not?
  • Imagine what your life would look like if you applied everything you already
    know. Most people are convinced they don’t know enough. In reality, they
    just don’t perform the actions that they know to be effective or avoid
    counterproductive actions.
  • Make a list of everything you do that does not support the life you desire to craft. Then make a list of everything you fail to do in order to meet these goals.

3. What can I control? What can I not control? We spend far too much time
worrying about things that can’t be controlled. We spend too little time
effectively controlling those things that are within our realm of control.

  • Most of our childhood and early adulthood are spent trying to control the
    uncontrollable. Maturing is understanding what can be controlled and then
    figuring out the best way to control it.
  • What are you worrying about right now that you can’t control? Can you let that go and focus on things within your control?

4. Why am I doing all of this? Most of the things we do are for others. You might
think you’re going to the gym for yourself, but you might actually be going to
impress others with your amazing physique.

  • How much are you actually doing for yourself? How many things do you
    do only because others are watching? Would you drive a luxury car if no
    one would ever know about it?
  • Are your goals about satisfying yourself or impressing others? Are you
    only trying to live up to the expectations of others, or are you truly focused on what would make you content? After all, this is YOUR life, you are the only one who gets to ultimately call the shots.

5. What is most important to me? We spend too much time on frivolous activities,
largely because we haven’t defined our priorities. What is most important to
you?

  • If you could only have one career for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  • If you could only be with one person for the rest of your life, what
    characteristics would that person possess?
  • What are the three places you’d most like to visit?
  • What are the three things you’d most like to accomplish?
  • What are you going to make a priority in your life?

 

It is highly recommended that you spend some time writing out these questions and the answers you come up with. There is magic in writing, and it can often unlock answers within you that were not clear beforehand. Feel free to experiment with this and add your own questions that you feel are viable to you. Revisit these questions often and make new ones that come up along the way if applicable. Take some time for yourself, you are worth it.

The Inner World

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Be like a scientist with yourself. Explore your inner world like you are on an amazing adventure exploring new terrains. You may encounter some frightening things, but tell yourself that you are being a scientist and just observing… and observe without attachment to what is going on. Like a scientist, you are being impartial and not attached to any particular results but only interested in uncovering the truth however it presents itself. It is similar to how a scientist would observe the outside world. And the more you understand the inner world, the more you understand the outer world as a natural result because they are connected.

As far as manifestation goes, allow yourself to imagine what it feels like to have what you desire. Visualize this as strongly as you can, and allow the emotions to get involved. Emotions are key. The more you allow them to play into it, the more you are drawing what you desire towards you. That’s why imagination is also key. You are imagining what it actually feels like to have what you are manifesting. Allow your senses to get involved as well. What do you see? What do you smell? Etc. This makes it more real. You can meditate or write it out, or a combo of both….or whatever other methods work for you.

When writing, write out every detail you can think of of the life of your dreams, the life you desire. Allow those emotions to get involved. Imagine what it feels like to be living this life and to have peace and fulfillment. Keep it in a safe space and read it daily or a few times throughout the day and allow yourself to feel it.

I can help you with this process as part of the shadow work. Feel free to contact me if you are interested in exploring your inner world more closely and deeply and work towards manifesting the life of your dreams.

Perception

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Many of us mistake the truth for our perceptions. We observe the world around us, we observe our own particular circumstances, and we make our “truths” based on our perceptions of reality. We tend to think that these are fixed ideas, and that this is just the way the world is. However, just a small change in perception can go a long way. It takes just a little bit of effort and persistence to make desired changes in one’s life. Many of us are locked into our habitual ways of thinking, being, and/or acting which prevent us from making true and lasting change. There’s a level of comfort and familiarity in our old ways, and new behavior can feel intimidating at times even if it is our key to a happier and well balanced life. But just a little bit of effort and some more flexibility with life (including our habitual patterns of behavior and how we react to things) can go a long way in helping us to create lives for ourselves closer to our true desires. You can’t expect things to change in your life unless you change some things first.

Be more flexible with change and what you believe is possible. Examine your beliefs for they are how your life is playing out in physical reality. In fact, any beliefs held with strong conviction shape your reality as you perceive it. You tend to experience what your core beliefs are which then validates them further to make them feel more true to yourself. You may also not clearly see something of benefit to you when your perceptions are locked a certain way. Again, a slight shift in perception can help you to unlock higher awareness and wisdom. You can start to see solutions instead of problems, and you can even see new opportunities that can be born out of perceived “failures”.

Both Emotional Intelligence (EI) coaching and shadow work/coaching can speed up the process of achieving what we desire to achieve. They both help to increase awareness of what exactly it is you desire to achieve in the first place as well as helping you become more aware of what you need to do/what you need to change in order to get there. These methods have enhanced the abilities of many individuals to see more clearly what they need to do (or not do) to achieve their desires and how they have been blocking or sabotaging themselves from getting there. This work addresses these issues if they come up and helps clients figure out how to move beyond them.

Benefits of becoming more flexible are, but not limited to:

  • allows you to step back and re-evaluate things
  • gives you more room to implement newer ways of thinking and being
  • helps you to feel more in balance
  • gives you other options for looking at things in a more rational light
  • helps you see the bigger picture more clearly
  • helps you see solutions instead of problems

These qualities, and many more, tend to open in us when we shift our perceptions and choose to look at things in another light. Again, just a slight shift in perception can help get this process under way.

True Justice

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Many of us get triggered by the injustices of the world. We feel certain emotions which often leads to wanting a sense of justice. We have individual and common ideas of how justice would look or is supposed to look like. Some of these are similar, and some are vastly different. But what is justice really? Well, I don’t fully know that answer, but I can give you my perceptions and insights about it.

The term “justice” itself can be a slippery slope. Be careful not to confuse “justice” with wanting the perpetrator to endure the same suffering as the victim did. That’s more along the lines of vengeance and punishment. That’s not true justice. True justice has the element of forgiveness with it. It is based on Love, it comes from the heart. This is true cosmic justice. This is what the masters taught. And you have every right to feel angry about the injustices of the world, this is a natural and valid response. The key is how you express your feelings. When expressed in a healthy way, anger fuels the passion of whatever you are wishing to achieve. When expressed in a more destructive or unhealthy way, it can become detrimental to the cause even if the cause is based on good intentions. So then the feelings themselves aren’t the issue, it’s how we perceive them in our own minds and what stories we are telling ourselves about them, right? We can either unconsciously react based on repeating programs in our minds, or we can choose to react in a conscious way and use our emotions to our advantages.

Feeling justified in reacting certain ways to certain things is another slippery slope if not consciously examined. Again, anger in and of itself is a totally justifiable and even natural response when looking at the injustices of the world. However, reacting to it in less than loving ways and feeling justified in these reactions is something to be mindful of because it is a common trap we all fall into from time to time. Again, this could be a misuse of anger. Please understand that there is nothing “wrong” with this, this is not meant to judge these behaviors but rather make conscious the patterns that are always running behind the scenes and get triggered during certain times. No matter how justified one feels in holding onto certain feelings and/or using them in less than beneficial ways, we must truly and honestly examine ourselves and strive to live from the heart if we are going to make true and lasting change. We may still slip up at times, but that is perfectly fine because we are human and not “perfect”. As long as our main intention is to live from the heart first and the ego second, then we most likely won’t get caught in our pre-programmed traps for very long amounts of time.

Many of us get stuck in our patterns for a while and continue to want to feel justified in them. That’s fine, perhaps that’s part of your path for right now and possibly contains gems for you. Who am I to judge or to know that? Maybe you’ll change your mind at some point. Wherever you are along your journey and whichever paths you choose is your own unique and beautiful experience. It perfectly reflects who you are right now and the beauty of the unfolding process of evolution. No one truly has a right to tell someone else how they “should” live, only plant seeds of awareness and allow the other person to do with it what he/she may. This isn’t an argument to allow someone to do whatever they want with no consequences, it just means people are free to choose how to live their lives with whatever consequences that come from these decisions. I can only offer you these words for your consideration.

Self-Awareness: Why it Matters

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What is self-awareness? The dictionary defines self-awareness as “knowledge and awareness of your own personality or character.” When you’re self-aware, you have an accurate and clear understanding of your personality, strengths, weaknesses, and beliefs. You know what makes you tick. Self-awareness also includes an understanding of how others perceive you.

The more self-aware you are, the more successfully you can navigate through life and achieve your dreams and desires. Why? Because having a keen sense of self-awareness clearly shows you your greatest strengths and weaknesses as well as realizing how you can improve in various areas in which you feel lacking. Once this gains greater momentum, you can virtually get to the point where no stray thought goes unnoticed, especially if it is a self-limiting thought. You begin to have a deeper realization that your state of mind is creating your experience and reactions to your world, not the other way around. Sure, we all have those moments where certain events can take a toll on our mental and emotional states, but you are much quicker to realize this and can get back to balance much more quickly. Things that may have bothered you for days, weeks, or even months can be rectified much more quickly in a matter of hours, minutes, and even seconds. You will stop blaming other people and circumstances for your life and moods and begin to take more personal responsibility for how you feel. The truth of the matter is nothing or no one can make you feel a certain way without your consent, and the more self-awareness you gain, the more you realize this and the easier it becomes to create a desired state of being.

Self-awareness also gives you a much clearer direction in life. You are more aware of your unique gifts and talents and how you can best utilize them for your benefit and the benefit of the world around you.

So how do you gain more self-awareness? That is the golden question, isn’t it? While there are different methods to achieve this, I will highlight some of the main ones:

  1. Write out your intentions. Make them as clear as possible. What is it that you want out of life? What are your goals, dreams, and desires? Don’t worry about how you will achieve this or how possible it is to achieve this, just be as honest as you can about these desires. This can include everything from having more peace in your life to finding the optimal career. You may surprise yourself at what comes out when you get in that zone. Do this every now and then, you will most likely get clearer as time goes on.
  2. Practice becoming aware of your thoughts. You don’t have to obsess over this and try to keep track of every single thought you have, but pay particular attention to those thoughts which uplift you and those thoughts which tend to bring you down, make you anxious or otherwise out of balance. You can even write them out, and if they are more “negative”, then replace them with a more “positive”, rational thought. Also pay attention to other people and your surroundings throughout the day. You can gain a higher degree of self-awareness by just paying attention. Question yourself throughout the day. “What am I attempting to achieve?” “What emotions am I currently feeling and why?” “What are the people around me feeling?”
  3. Journal. There is magic in writing, especially when exploring your feelings. Make it a practice to journal at least a few times per week. As you become more skilled at doing this, you may be surprised at what you uncover about yourself. It can be very therapeutic and leave you feeling more centered and balanced. Read over it afterwards and see what you find. This will sometimes lead to greater insights that you may wish to write about.
  4. Meditate. Meditation is all about developing a better awareness of the present moment and yourself. Meditation is an ideal activity for enhancing self-awareness. Meditate at least once a day, even if for only 5 minutes. There are plenty of meditation techniques you can research to decide which ones are most effective for you. Once you feel comfortable, you can gradually increase the amount of time spent in meditation.
  5. Exercise. What does exercising have to do with self-awareness? Plenty!! Exercising not only benefits your body, but it also benefits your mind. It reduces stress, anxiety and depression, it floods your brain with feel good chemicals, and it helps you become more clear headed. Even if you just go for a walk around your neighborhood, you are getting the juices flowing, and just this simple act can clear your mind more.
  6. Eat Healthy. Eating healthy is similar to exercising in that it helps you have a better brain and body. The healthier you are overall, the clearer you can think and feel. Unhealthy foods tend to limit your brain’s capacity to function properly. You don’t have to be perfect with it, but an overall healthy diet is highly beneficial.
  7. Get out in the sun and nature. This has amazing therapeutic benefits on your mind and body. You are often left with a feeling of refreshment and clear-headedness.

Self-awareness can improve EVERY aspect of your life such as personal well being, relationships with others, and your career. It’s necessary to understand your beliefs, habits, strengths, and weaknesses to make a personal change. You may even become a very effective leader, even if you never felt like you would make a very good leader. High self-awareness gives you a more natural confidence to take charge of a situation and create an effective outcome for yourself and all involved.

Life is easier when you’re self-aware. You can start building your self-awareness, and reaping the benefits, today!

 

 

 

The New, Well Balanced Man

For too long, men have been taught to repress their most natural emotions because it has been said that certain emotions are not manly and that basically something is wrong with you for even feeling that way. Men shouldn’t cry (except in extreme circumstances like grief), men shouldn’t be sensitive, men should always be strong and not vulnerable, the list can go on and on. These concepts are very outdated, in fact they were always false concepts to begin with. Being able to cry when appropriate, being sensitive to other people,being in touch with your emotions, allowing yourself to be vulnerable are all great strengths, not weaknesses. In fact, it is actually a weakness by repressing these emotions. It’s a weakness because it literally weakens you. It weakens your immune system, it weakens you physically, it weakens you emotionally, and it weakens you spiritually.

Now, I am not talking about being melodramatic and complaining about every little thing, rather I am talking about expressing yourself in a clean and honest way. If something is bothering you, let the other person know how you feel. Use “I” statements such as “I feel hurt that you said this to me”, “I would like to discuss this issue”, “I feel upset when you do a certain thing”, etc. When you use “I” statements, you are simply stating how something makes you feel or what you want, it is not about blaming the other person for feeling the way you do. This is an effective way at communicating because the other person may actually hear what you have to stay instead of feeling defensive if you simply lashed out at them. In truth, no one can make us feel a certain way, they can just trigger certain automatic responses, but we always have a choice how to react to it.

Being in touch with your emotions and expressing them in a healthy outlet is a win win situation for yourself as well as all those with whom you interact. This helps you to be a better listener, a better lover, a better friend, and just an all around more balanced, successful and happy man. And improving yourself is always a strength.

Expressing Thoughts and Emotions is Good for Your Health

All too often, people (especially children) are not taught to properly express their thoughts and emotions. “Children should be seen and not heard” is an all too famous (infamous) motto that has been used for a long time. However, if humans are not supposed to express their thoughts, what happens? We learn to stuff our emotions down and repression becomes second nature after a while. The problem is that thoughts and emotions are meant to be expressed, not repressed. A baby cries, and it does not judge why it is crying or does not think that it should not be crying, it just lets it all out and a moment later, it is happy again. If we could just learn at a young age that every emotion is worthy of being properly expressed, (after all, they are emotions within us that we naturally have) then we would all much more likely grow up to be well adjusted adults even in the face of highly stressful events and situations.

Take this into consideration, many health practitioners are starting to realize that at least 80% of health issues are highly related to stress and other emotional baggage. It is not only unnatural to repress our feelings, but it is also a risk to our health! Obviously, one does not want to go around and rant like a mad man or woman over every thought or feeling which he/she haves, but things must be put into balance in order to live as a well adjusted adult. Instead of either repressing or bursting with anger over something someone else did or said in which you felt angry about, the third (and most healthy) option is to have a strong sense of communication about these feelings and tell the other person how you feel in an assertive yet respectable manner. It may not seem easy at first, but with practice it will become a more natural response. No matter how bad one is with dealing with emotions, he/she can learn how to deal with emotions in a much healthier manner. Sometimes, just allowing yourself to fully feel an emotion can be enough to take the weight of it off you. The only reason why emotions become a problem and cause erratic behavior and health issues is because they are not properly dealt with. They become repressed and can turn into guilt, sadness, even rage. There is nothing shameful about any emotion anyone has. I will say that again…THERE IS NOTHING SHAMEFUL ABOUT ANY EMOTION THAT ANYONE HAS! The only “shameful” part of it is that we may have been programmed to think that we should not even have certain emotions, so they become repressed and turn into problems for mental stability and/or physical health.

There are a number of ways to deal with thoughts and feelings in a healthy way. First of all, feelings are a result of the thoughts we have. If we think that we should not have certain feelings, that causes us to repress them and feel guilty over them. Like I stated earlier, really allow yourself to feel whatever feeling you are having. If you are feeling sadness, really allow yourself to feel this sadness. If you are feeling angry, really allow yourself to feel angry. It can cause us to feel overwhelmed at first until we really get used to this new way of dealing with our emotions, especially if they have been repressed for so long. So it may appear we are getting even more neurotic, but no worries, this is a natural part of the process that will fade as time goes on. It is by repressing our feelings that sadness can turn into depression, and anger can turn into rage. Allowing yourself to really feel these feelings can allow them to dissipate and release once we get a handle on it. Also, even allow yourself to feel insecure if that feeling arises. It is due to many of our insecurities that make us feel weak for having certain emotions in the first place, which can cause us to “explode” from holding them in for so long. There is nothing “weak” about any emotion. The only “weakness” is from not allowing yourself to have these emotions and trying to stuff them down due to how you were raised, how you perceive others might think if they knew about these thoughts and feelings, etc. One other method you may wish to try is to keep a journal of your feelings. This may sound silly, but it can be a highly effective way in getting more in touch with yourself and why these emotions are coming out. Since no one else has to know about this, it can be your safe haven for expressing yourself. Sometimes seeing it come out on paper can be very therapeutic. It can lead you to see why you were having these emotions in the first place and let go of them. You can also write angry letters or any other type of letter to someone describing exactly how you feel about something in particular, then just shred it up and never mail it. It can be a form of release to get out this tension, and the other person does not have to know about it if you so desire. Meditation can be highly beneficial into getting us more in touch with ourselves and our feelings as well.

Another topic I would like to discuss is sex. For too many humans, sex is an unnecessary stigma that is considered “bad”. Sexual feelings are just as natural and normal as any other feeling human beings experience. There is nothing shameful or repulsive about it at all. Thinking that it is shameful is what causes mental distress. How can something so natural and beautiful be so shameful? This topic may make some people feel uncomfortable, but it is time we really delved into this subject. The only “problem” with sex is when it is done as a compulsion or done against someone else’s will. But think about this, if one views sex in a healthy perspective and not feel any shame attached to it, then less sexual addictions would result, less rape would happen, etc. This is not about trying to have sex with anyone you feel attracted to, because that would be a compulsion. Rather, it is about fully allowing yourself to be free of any guilt attached to the subject and allowing it to freely flow through you. Addictions are usually the result of feeling shameful about it, then feeling mad for feeling shameful about it, and before you know it, it becomes an addictive behavior. It can also be used as an addiction to escape from other repressed emotions. This is why it is so important to allow yourself to experience any emotions that arise, for this will seriously knock out the need for any addictive behaviors, including sex. When sex is viewed in a healthier manner, as well as any other emotion, you may not even wish to seek it out as much as you once did, but you would enjoy it 10 times more than you ever did. And you will have more respect for it as the beautiful expression that it really is. Even loveless sex is ok as long as it is done with 2 consenting partners. But once sex is put into better balance, you will naturally gravitate to experiencing it fully and with someone you really care about. I know that sounds ironic and doubtful, it appears that if you allow yourself to fully experience sexual feelings then you may become a raving sex maniac. However, that comes from false preconceptions and beliefs. It is the other way around meaning that compulsive sexual behavior is the direct result from either sexual feelings being repressed until they can no longer be repressed, and/or from other repressed emotions in which sex becomes an addiction to escape from other distresses. Once everything is put in balance, even sex, then your true loving nature starts to emerge more and more. For that is our most true nature, that of love. Once we clear out our emotional baggage, we naturally gravitate towards more love for ourselves and others. Take it from me, someone who used to have severe problems with anxiety and depression, and now I am much more at peace with myself and others. I would like to end with this thought….we are not our thoughts and emotions, they simply pass through us. By allowing them to really pass through us instead of repressing them or holding onto them is when we get more in touch with the deeper aspects of ourselves such as true love. Many blessings to all of you!